My new shoes have sat here for two weeks waiting to be worn. It is 7:20 am and time to leave house. I am wearing my brown suit and now have a chance to wear my brand new brown shoes. I pick up the box and liberate my new shoes.

Oh.

There seems to be a slight problem. The two shoes I have do not match. The two shoes I have are very similar but they are not the same. I inspect them further. Well that is ironic. The two shoes I have are one shoe from each pair that I considered buying.

Well that would certainly explain why they were cheaper. I pick both shoes out, hold them up and then place them on the floor. I momentarily consider setting a new trend of wearing odd shoes but my meterosexual fashion setting credentials are already rocking from when my new hair style was referred to as "too Tin-Tin-y".

At the next available moment, I head out to the shops with my odd shoes in their box and due to my recent recycling trip I am receipt-less because the receipt was in the plastic bag I have recycled. Quod erat demonstandum, I also do not have the bag. Further, I am heading out without My Canadian Girlfriend who is staying at her flat to create some super-bagels. She cuts the tops off and puts two bottoms together for me while keeping the two tops for her.

I walk into the store and pick the store assistant that looks most likely to be bullied into giving me a no-receipt exchange. "I have a slight problem with these shoes I bought a while back." I open the box and show him the shoes. "Can you guess what it is?"

He stares at the shoes. "Oh" he replies. "Let me go and see if I we have any more replacements." He fetches a pair of the shoes I want and keeps the shoe I don't want and we walk to the till. "Do you remember who sold them to you? They should've checked the box before the sale."

"Hmmm," I think. "I don't really remember." I decide that since someone on their side has made a mistake there is no way I am going to put them in hot water. I don't think its right for them to get into trouble, we slackers and underachievers should stick together. I am not a grass. And I really don't remember.

The manager at the till listens to the problem and starts the exchange. "Do you remember who sold them to you? They should've checked the box before the sale." I remain stoic and say "No."

"Do you remember what day you bought them?"

"It was a couple of weeks ago - either a Saturday or a Sunday."

"And could you describe the person who sold them to you?" she says flashing a look at the person she obviously thinks is responsible.

"Not really. Look, I'll tell you the truth. I thought I was about to get a £25 pair of shoes for £12. I wasn't really interested in who it was who sold me them. I was more interested in getting out of the shop before they noticed their error."

"Really" she says looking down at the computer screen. "Oh yes, I see now. In that case I'll need £13 more pounds off you please."

I offer my card and type in my PIN.