I am growing a beard.

I am currently considering what sort of beard I should grow. I do not think I am hairy enough to grow a full beard. Plus, they're a bit sad. Full beards are for men called Ralph who wear anoraks and drive Volvos. I am, however, considering the step down and growing a goatee. But I worry. I can grow the moustache bit and the chin bit but they do not normally meet up. I would end up looking like an badly dressed extra from Pirates of the Caribbean.

I will not be growing "just" a moustache.
I would very much like to grow a fashionable "Craig David chin-strap" but my hand is not steady enough to maintain it.
I will probably end up with just a little devil beard stuck to my chin.

Do not worry, dearest reader, I have not lost my mind. This is just something I do every now and again. It will pass. One day I will wake up, look in the mirror and remember that I look like a twat when I have facial hair and shave it off.

Ok, so I'll admit it. I am not growing this beard as a fashion statement. My shaving technique is the stuff of legends. Being an only child (apart from my two sisters) and having a bearded dad, who drives a volvo, no one has ever taught me how to shave. As a young adult, I used to look like Freddie Kreuger's uglier brother. My face would have more cuts than there were on "It'll be alright on the night".

And that brings me to today. About three weeks ago, I nicked my chin. And every time I've shaved since then, it has bled everywhere. I am getting fed up with it. I have decided to give it time to heal and not shave for a while. But of course when time comes to shave my devil beard off, I already know the bathroom will end up looking like a slaughterhouse.

Its a vicious circle!