I have some shiny new football boots!!!!

I bought the last pair back in 2001 when I was living in Wigan - although the local time was 1975 - and I thought it was about time I got a new pair. These are very smart. They are a nice silver colour with red flashes and reflective stripes. These are the same brand of boots that David Beckham wears! Although I'm not sure if he got his for tenner off the JJB sale stand and has to buy them one and a half sizes too big because the ones that fit properly cost £35.

I have spent the entire week walking around the house in my David Beckham Boots, breaking them in. On Monday I did the ironing in them, on Tuesday I did the vacuuming in them and on Wednesday I sat on the sofa and watched Match of the Day in them. (This probably didn't help break them in but I was tired.)

I get the email confirming we are playing:

"Dear All, We are on! We only have 11 so the only excuse for pulling out late is impending fatherhood. (Name and Address Withheld)"

After I've giggled about the irony of impending fatherhood being an excuse for "pulling out" late, blind panic takes over. I check with our organiser to see if he knows something about My Canadian Girlfriend that I don't. He assures me that he does not. Even so, I wait nervously for my Mobile Phone to play the William Tell Overture.

I cancel the afternoon team meeting for the third time in a row. I'm surprised that no one has noticed how often I seem to put off meetings scheduled on a Thursday afternoon. Getting away with this kind of makes up for the disappointment of not having my letter published in the Technology Guardian.

I brace myself for the abuse I will no doubt get for wearing silver boots.

I arrive in the changing rooms and am greeted by two pairs of white boots, one of grey, one blue and several pairs of black boots. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, I think. I unveil my new boots in a ceremony worthy of the opening of the Commonwealth Games. It was not quite up to Olympic Standards though.

"I got these last Saturday and I've really been looking forward to playing this week." I say.

"You need to get out more!" says Pete, our token special needs player, "Will they actually make you play any better?" he asks as he pulls his city shirt on.

He has found a flaw in my plan.