"Neville Chamberlain!". After proving how intellectualistic I am by watching University Challenge, I seek more cleverer TV to watch. So I turn to Wife Swap.
"God I hope the Children aren't out of control and swear a lot." says the Strict Disciplinarian Wife. She obviously doesn't watch this show very much. That sort of statement is akin to someone going on Ready Steady Cook and saying "I hope I don't have to stand here and drink wine while I watch a trained chef prepare an easy to replicate dish that can be cooked in 20 minutes."
This is also a prime example of why this isn't called Husband Swap. The producers couldn't trust men to tell the truth on their applciations. "I really can't stand families who have two 18 year old nymphomaniac twins who enjoy seducing balding 45 year old strangers with a spare tyre Goodyear would be proud of."
And then as the show progresses, reality hits. The Strict Wife realises she's at Woodstock and the Soft Wife realises she's in Sandringham. The Strict Wife bans swearing and then gets a four letter - "Life's so unfair - I hate you!" - tirade from the poor put upon 13 year old daughter for asking her to clean her room. The Soft Wife makes the husband do house work, cook and enjoy himself - he ends up serving his Daughters some curry dish which contains about a bottle and a half of Jack Daniels.
And it continues, The Strict Wife says her new house is a pig sty her new husband oinks like a pig. The Soft Wife invites loads of kids around who decorate the dining room walls with some finger painted art and her new husband gets out a shot gun and repaints his kitchen walls with the Soft Wife's brains.
Both familes try and live like their new mum's old family. It doesn't work. Cue shouting, screaming and tears. Both families resist change and are then re-unted with their correct mum and everything goes back to the way it once was.
Repeat next week and then fade to black.