Someone must be dead!

Or maybe Sir Alex has finally come to the conclusion that he'd be much better having me warming the bench instead of Tim Howard. Surely they are the only reasons why the phone would be ringing at such an ungodly hour. It is half past 10 and I have been asleep for 30 minutes. I have been very tired recently and have been going to bed earlier and earlier. It is only a matter of time before I go to bed even before I have woken up from the night before.

I check the caller ID. It is my soon to be ex-friend Carl. I cannot be bothered answering the phone, it requires too much energy. I cannot lift my finger to press the button. I throw the phone to the floor and ride out the next three rings before he gives up and stops ringing me. And quiet descends. I can hear the urban fox going through the discarded garbage left where there are no bins, the distant sound of the police helicopter chasing a scally doing a bit of T-D-A and the muffled screams of my upstairs neighbours engaging in some light S&M.

My mobile! He'll ring that next. I get up and dash to my special charging chair that has more volts running through it than a Texan with learning disabilities. I use this chair to charge all the things which need charging; my mobile, my iPod and my exceptionally cool Bluetooth headphones. I fumble with the mobile - unlock keypad, now where's the off button? RIIIIINNNNNGGGGG!!! Too late, I can't avoid answering this one.

"Hi mate, its Carl. Just ringing up for a chat, I hope this didn't wake you."
"No I had to get up because the phone was ringing."

As you all know, revenge is a dish best served covered in chocolate sauce with ice cream on the side. He is moving to Toronto soon so I will probably accidentally make a load of time difference mistakes - "Oh I'm sorry I thought you were 5 hours AHEAD!"