We get on a very full tram.
(I admit this is not the most interesting start to a post but stick with me.)

There are an awful lot of conservative looking people wearing badges that say "Deliverance is at hand". Now I liked that movie and its influence over modern cinema is obvious but I don't think I'll be watching it again. And the only place I know in Manchester where "Deliverance" is actually at hand is in Bolton where it's normal to walk through a council estate and hear the strains of dueling Banjos.

"I think they're Jehovah's witnesses" whispers My Canadian Girlfirend.

I sush her and look around to make sure there aren't any men dressed up as women pretending to be men wanting to stone her for saying Jehovah. The women all look like they've just come from Stepford and the men in suits looks suitably demure. Even the kids are wearing ties. There's something slightly disturbing and sinister about seeing young boys wearing ties.

They must have been coming from the Jehovah's witness conference which, Google says, was in Manchester. I imagine they were discussing "Important Things" like that evil music them kids listen to today, Sunday trading and equal rights for women.

I start humming "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" (Glory Glory Man United - for the un-religious). My Canadian Girlfriend flashes me a "You're so bad but not bad as in bad but bad as in good." look.

The tram gets even more crowded at the next stop. A brunette gets on and invades my personal space, pressing her body against mine. She puts her pony tail right under my nose and decides she is going to look around the tram. Each movement feels like going bobbing for apples in a tub of pepper.

We get off the tram before I cover the back of her head with phlegm.

As my Canadian Girlfriend walks past the brunette, she places a firm but powerful head-butt to her chest. She may not be able to explain the offside rule but at least she has learnt something from the World Cup.