"I can't believe you're not getting a ticket..."

"I never buy a ticket, you don't need one. I've only got caught once." My Canadian Girlfriend replies.

"Well I wasn't going to mention this but I had a dream last night about you getting caught without a ticket. And I got off the tram to wait for you and while you were being questioned I was playing Super Doku on my phone and I got cold hands." I start to worry. I don't like cold hands.

I can't believe My Canadian Girlfriend is a willing criminal. This shouldn't come as a surprise. After all the only thing we hear about on the news is how all crime is conducted by foreigners. If she gets a criminal record, the home office are bound to want to deport her. They could make an example of her as she is very photogenic and would look very hot being led up the plane steps on a flight back to Canada. Plus they know where she is which is very important. And if she's not where she should be, she'll be at my house.

I do not want her to be deported for no other reason than I heard that they only show Adam Sandler movies on the deportation flights. And she'd probably have to share a row with someone from Guantanemo bay who is being tortured / interrogated.

I wring my hands and put a disapproving face on. "I'm not saying you should buy a ticket but I bet that that Mountie fellow do on Due South would arrest you and give you a lecture on morality!" I say trying to use an example she would be familiar with.

"It's not like I've murdered anyone. It's not even a serious crime it's like parking on double yellows, being drunk and disorderly or punching a police officer."

I cannot put up with this blatant disregard for the law.
I put my money in the ticket machine and purchase her a ticket.
We do not get stopped but my hands do get cold.
Fucking Manchester Summer.