I go over to my parents. I get there just before they get back from their Christmas Carol concert. They have a history of being robbed while they're at the Carol concert. Back in the day, it happened two out of three years.

Being a liberal criminal loving family, we didn't invest in a large dog, an alarm or a shot gun. Since all us kids stopped believing in Santa Claus a few years before that, we have always had two mince pies and a glass of sherry left over after the holidays. So we always leave the robbers a nice drink and a treat. They came back two years later, didn't steal anything but left a note thanking us for the sherry and asking if we could possibly leave for Hooch next year.

I decide to play a practical joke on them. I turn all the lights on and open all the doors. I open the back door and the kitchen door. I scramble up the stairs and fling open all the bedroom doors. I open my dad's study and turn the light on.

*Narrative flash back done in a Wonder years style voice over*

My dad goes a bit silly when it comes to gifts. For ages, he didn't used to do anything for Christmas. He used to have to work Christmas morning and that, I think he thought, gave him a reason to not bother about buying Christmas gifts.

Although five years ago, he started and his gifts have gradually been getting more and more crazy. The first year, he bought all five of us a Mobile Phone, then he bought us all a digital camera. Since then we have had web cams and a rather large cheque. They would always be wrapped up with Brown Parcel Paper from work.

This year, he sounded me out about getting a Personal DVD Player for everyone so we could watch DVDs while on the toilet. I suggested that DVD recorders would be about the same price but way more practical. He took that under consideration and looked pensive.

*Flashback ends*

I turn the light on in his study and OH MY SWEET JESUS!!! There's a TomTom Navigator on his desk.

Surely he wouldn't have bought 5 of these - would he? Yes. But he'd also hide them a lot better. Maybe he's just bought one for himself? Even though last week I mentioned it and he didn't seem very excited about the idea.

So many questions...

I do the honourable thing, turn the light off and retreat to the lounge. My family arrive home and pay no attention to the practical joke and pull the kitchen door shut.

Apparently, it doesn't work when I leave my car parked outside.