Right, let's see what's on the schedule for today:

1. Spin a web.
2. Have a scuttle across the floor.
3. Visit Harry and Jo.
4. Eat fly.

I've heard MB's house is a nice place to have a scuttle. I like having a good scuttle. If he's out then maybe I'll have a good flick through the Argos catalogue and order some of those vacuum sealed tupperware.

But if he's in then we can have some real fun! And I can do some scaring.

Ah ha! I know those over-sized feet with a big toe that's about 2 cm shorter than the next toe. I think I'll run towards it. Ah that girlish scream is music to my ears. This must be what Human's feel like when they listen to Bjork or Darius. Yeah, that's right lift them feet up! Squeal Piggy!!!! Hey little girl, maybe I should just run under the sofa where you're sitting - what would you do then? On second thoughts I'll just stand here and cut you off from the door to the vacuum cleaner. What you gonna do now big boy?????

Muhahahaha!

Hang on! What's this I hear? Oh no! It's the clip clop of "painful to wear but too stylish to take back or to put on ebay" shoes. MB's Canadian Girlfriend must be round. Oh Bollocks. Well I guess this is it, from what I've heard she's an evil little sod so no chance of getting thrown out of the window.

Tissue Paper??? This is new. Normally we just get some face time with Mr Magazine. Hmmm, this is comfy. I'll just have a wriggle around and see if I can get loose. Now it's all wet.

What's that noise?
Is she's flushing me down the toilet?
That's a bit of a shit way to go.

Still I'll have the last laugh. What they don't know is that two more of my friends will be popping out to see them tonight.

Avenge my death Simba!