Ah January!

What a wonderful time of year. This is the time of year when all those cheap-ass cunts go out and buy next year's Christmas cards and wrapping paper. Yeah that's right, I dislike them so much I used 'cunt', which I never use, so you can tell my displeasure.

Although I should point out that I did use the same roll of wrapping paper this Christmas as I did last Christmas. And I used it for all Birthday presents in between. And then it ran out two presents from the end of the this years haul. So I have moved on to this year's wrapping paper for all Birthdays between now and when it runs out.

It is also a magical time of year. For the last month and a bit, I haven't been able to buy anything for myself. So now Christmas has passed it is now time to go out and buy all that stuff you were expecting for Christmas and didn't get. (A Pizza Cutter!!! My Canadian Girlfriend has seen me struggle to cut Pizzas. She has even commented on the uneven-ness of my slices and I have retorted with a comment about how good a Pizza Cutter would be. And the Christmas Day - nothing. Well nothing apart from all the thoughtful gifts.)

The January Sales are also a good thing to do at this time of year. I can never understand people who buy clothing before Christmas, especially if they're buying clothes for themselves - and even more so if they're just buying "some nice shoes". It's not like the Sales are a secret. I have concluded that there are many different ways to organise your sales:

• River Island - Organise everthing by type - jeans, sweaters, t-shirts, and suits seperately.


• USC - Organise everything by colour - pink stuff, brown stuff and yellow stuff.


• Next - Like a bomb's gone off - just throw everything everywhere and let the people find it.


• TopMan - Put one rack out front with nothing on it.

(I even pointed out a Simpson's Pizza Cutter!)

But then of course there is the downside. The "It's nearly Christmas" excuse cannot be used for another 11 months and the bottomless tin of Cadbury's Heros has disappeared. You also, by law, have to stop doing stuff you've been doing and start doing new stuff as soon as the clock strikes midnight on the date that King George declared in 1752 would be the change between one numbered year and the next after moving it from March 25th.

So here are my nominations for New Year's Resolutions:

• Begin Podcasting - Given the huge rise in video blogging and using YouTube for diaries, it's about time I got to the dulled edge of technology and begin using technology that's two years out of date. Hell even the BBC are doing it now.


• Go to Cloud 23 - The new bar that has opened in Manchester's Beetham Tower is the place to be. It's where all the hip dudes and cool cats are hanging out. And for that reason I should be there so that I can knock it down a peg or two! Although this should really be a "New Year's Reservation".


• Generally do better stuff and be a better person - I'm not sure I could improve my smugness quotient by much. I'm nice to people, I offer them lifts places and go out of my way to help. I recycle, get public transport and am generally a do-gooder.
  Although I don't like Dolphin Friendly Tuna because I like to think my Tuna can stick up for itself and I buy Battery eggs because I like to think my chicken has suffered.


• Write a book - They say everyone has a good novel in them. Apart from Dan Brown. Mine would be about trams or little people or little people on trams.


• Don't make any resolutions - Ah one I may be able to keep!