"Oh Wow!!! A spice rack!" I say.
"Oh Wow!!! A spice rack!" I repeat.
"Oh Wow!!! A spice rack!" I finish.

"Try the 'Oh Wow!!!' from the second one and the 'A spice rack!' from the first." says my Canadian Girlfriend being helpful. We are on our way up to my Aunt and Uncle's to collect My Birthday Present. It is going to be a spice rack and I am practising acting surprised.

To make sure that they weren't buying me something that I already owned and it would be something I could use, wanted and had room for, they called my Father and asked him. He consulted my Mother. She consulted with my Little Sister, who in turn consulted with My Canadian Girlfriend. When faced with a question like that, she did the only honourable thing she could - She asked me.

Now my aunt and uncle have been known to give some very strange presents over the years. I received a dressing gown from them for consecutive Birthdays and whenever a member of the family is a student, they put together a "Student Survival Pack" - which contains non-perishable foods like soup and spam. So all in all, a spice rack isn't a bad present. Better the devil you know.

I unwrap the paper and steel myself. "Oh wow!!! A Spice Rack!" I say. I think I have, using my acting skills, convinced them that not only do I want and need a spice rack but also that I had no idea what it was going to be.

We head to the dinner table.
Gespatcheo - which tasted as bad as my attempt to spell it
Pork, Apricot and Rice - meh
Individual posh apple pies - nice

Now there are many things that Canadian Girlfriends are useful for: cooking you fried breakfasts, looking after you when you're sick, reminding you that you need milk, blow jobs etc. But they are really handy because they can deflect half the conversation from you during meals with relatives.

"The needlework on these chairs are amazing - did you do them?" she says to my Aunt, who did do them. "I've always been interested in this sort of thing. I've often considered taking up knitting as a hobby but I never get round to it. I always keep meaning to get one of those starter kits."

My Aunt and Uncle exchange knowing glances.

Rookie Mistake. After the candle making set my little sister got three years ago, we learnt you have to be very careful what you say at this time of year. When we get to the car I will get her to start practising....

"Oh Wow!!! A knitting kit!"