"I cannot believe it!!!" I whine. "Look at what they've done. This is terrible!" In utter disgust, I slide down into my chair and open my Big Issue.

"It's only a coffee." replies My Canadian Friend in her usual calming manner. "Give me the cup, I'll go and get them to fill it up to the brim."

"Don't worry about it, I'll just nick the cup. That'll teach 'em." (I really must stop stealing Starbucks mugs, it is getting out of hand, I will soon have to build a new kitchen cupboard to house them. Not even the years I spent playing Tetris can help me pack them all in.)

We begin our intellectual discussions. We talk about the controversy over an MP being in Big Brother, the fact that house prices rising at slowest rate in ten years, the fluctuations in the FTSE and what Angelina Jolie will look like when she's nine months pregnant.

And then some Chavs spoil our middle class utopia.

"Look at them!!!" I protest, interrupting My Canadian Friend in the the middle of a sentence. "There are undesirables sitting in our Coffee Shop!" One of them has a black scarf covering his nose and his mouth, one puts his feet up on the table and the girl, resplendant in her bright white tracksuit, slumps in the brown over-sized lounge chair.

Now I'm all for being inclusive but the order of society today dictates a sort of unwritten separation between real people and chavs. I do not go and sit in bus stops and drink Diamond White; they do not come into Starbucks. That's the way it is.

One of them begins to tear up the informative menu like leaflet on the table. "Look now they're destroying Starbucks' property!!!" I exclaim "If they carry on doing this, they could put 'Bucks out of business". (If they had taken the time to read the leaflet, they would have learnt about the coffee growers of Peru and seen details of a Charity Bike Ride through the Andes to raise money for some dying kids.) This is the last straw.

"I'm going to go over there and say something." I say in a brave manly like way.

"Please don't, you'll only embarss yourself." replies My Candadian Friend. I assume she meant to say I would embarass her, and that is not something I want to do. The barrista comes over and saves us both from doing anything and evicts them.

I tut silently and shake my head at the declining standards of todays youth. I take a sip from my over-priced coffee and pick up the conversation where we left off. "Sorry about that, where were we? You were saying something about how you may get deported?"