I am walking through Tesco car park eating a nectarine. I have to eat as many nectarines as possible over the next few weeks as you never know when 'the man' at Sainsbury's will stop putting them at buy one pack get one free. There's nothing finer in the morning than a nectarine - apart from maybe waking up to find out you've won the lottery and pulled Kate Lawler.

As I walk, I notice a trolley on its own in the car park. It is in the middle of one of the roads. I carry on walking, thinking how inconsiderate someone is leaving their trolley there and then the trolley moves. And not in a cute advert, voiced by David Jason, type way either. It was on a rampage. Now I see exactly what "The Sun" means about us living in a lawless society. This is why parliament should be recalled, to tackle people who do not return their trolley to a designated area.

It picked up speed as it shot down the road. The old gentleman with the humped back who collects the trolleys is trying to catch it. He is not moving fast enough. The trolley is heading towards parked cars. I decide to join the chase. A white van man puts down his sweet tea and a hard working tax paying law abiding father both join in.

We are chasing the trolley down, running behind it like extras in the Benny Hill show. Except we have smaller breasts, apart from the white van man who has some DD cup Man-boobs. Then in a predictable turn of affairs, the trolley's wonky wheels kick in. It turns off at a right angle and heads towards a Ford Ka. The teacher who drives it will be very upset if there's a collision.

The wonky wheel causes another deviation towards a Rover 75. We give up the chase allowing the trolley to strike the car, which falls apart. British engineering at its best.