I went people watching. It is my third favourite hobby after midget tossing and cricket. The ladies of Manchester showed off a plethora of different fashions. There were knee length prairie skirts, ankle length prairie skirts and a whole range in between. In fact I brought my scorecard.

• 1pt for an "earth tone" (that's greens, creams and browns)
• 2pts for a black or blue one
• 3pts for an orange or a red one
• 4pts for any other colour
• -1pt for white.

I scored 234 points in an hour.

A group of goths walked by. In an obvious attempt to shake up the establishment, freak out the squares and to be different, they are dressed in an 'alternative' manner. They all wear black and look the same. Apart from me, no one noticed them. I spotted one of the Goth Girls wearing black knee high socks / boots (I didn't inspect too closely). These boots / socks had a plumage a Norwegian Blue would've been proud of. I hold a moment's silence for the muppets which were killed to make that possible.

There were five fellas, all with perfectly chiseled bodies, juggling a football. In what looked like a savage revenge attack, one of them kicked the ball and struck one of a group British Asians on the back of the head. He pleaded his innocence and pointed out that the guy he was supposed to be passing to wasn't paying attention and was chatting up two brunettes, who were wearing brown and yellow prairie skirts respectively.

The heat was becoming unbearable now. The skin on the back of my neck was getting redder than Sir Alex Ferguson's face. I considered taking my T-shirt off and bearing my pale, white, flabby body to the world. And then a group of Spanish tourists walked by wearing their winter coats and gloves.

And with that the British Summer finished. I hope you enjoyed it.