I spot the perfect present for my dad.

(Spoiler Warning: Dad, if you're reading this, you'll have to stop now - either that or read on and act really surprised on Christmas Day.)

I had no idea what to buy my dad. I still do my shopping Old Skool Style-y on the High Street and really get a buzz from browsing through stores and searching high and low for the perfect gift. I walk into WH Smith and there is a large stand with "Ideal Gifts for your Dad" written above it. I spot Ken Dodd's Biography. I fire off a quick text to both of my sisters and my mother. "I bagsy Ken Dodd's Biography for Dad!!!" I wait and get no reply. So I march triumphantly to the check out.

Back in the day, I remember when the bin man used to walk round the back of your house and get your bin for you and wheel it out to the front of the house, empty it and then wheel it back. Now, to help Onyx save time and money, you have to do all the wheeling and unless you leave the bin at exactly 90 degrees to your gate with the handles pointing out, it won't be emptied.

Chip and Pin is becoming like this. The guy behind the checkout at WH Smith's motions me to put my own card into the machine. How lazy can you get? Do they not want my money? Sooner or later, they'll be expecting me to write my own book, proof read it, take it to the printers, distribute it to the store, pick it off the shelf, write the theme tune, sing the theme tune and THEN swipe my own card in the machine.

I reluctantly enter my PIN.

An hour passes and I get a call from my Mother. "Your big sister's just phoned saying you are getting Ken Dodd's Biography for your dad. Don't. Your Aunt and Uncle have had it for him for ages."

So if anyone would like a copy of Ken Dodd's Biography, please get in touch at the usual number.