I am at my super secret special Conference (Same warning as yesterday. I am not actually at the conference, I am sitting at my PC but I'm being lazy and writing about something that happened to me on Wednesday - can you suspend your disbelief?)

There are many reasons to go to a Conference. Most people go on a skive from the office, some go just to give their details to a company who will spam them to Kindom Come and I have heard that some people attend because it is possible to actually learn something.

I am in a different category. I am on the scrounge. It is only the first coffee break and I have already scored a laser pointer and a coffee mug.

"So The-Company-That-If-You-Named-You'd-Have-To-Kill-Me is interested in purchasing our product." the salesman says.

"Yes of course we are...." I reply.

"Well if you'd like to give me your details, I'll contact you next week."

There's an awkward silence.

"Hmmm, I'm not allowed to give out my details because of Data Protection. Oh, could I have one of those yo-yos?"

"Well, we're only supposed to give them out to customers...."

"Look there's Sienna Miller! YOINK!"

At least the free Yo-Yo meant it was worth while sitting through the usual sort of presentations:

• The "I want to knife myself in the stomach and pull out my intestines so I have something fun to do" moment when each Speaker puts their Company's Org Chart up.
  
• The "Travel back to 1995 and tell them" moment when a Speaker reveals something they think is cutting edge but that everyone has been doing for years.
  
• The "Wake me up in 25 minutes" moment when the gentile older person gets up and stutters his way through his presentation.
  
• The "I'm trying to secure my future career as a consultant" moment when a Speaker thinks using the words "feature creep" and "re-inventing the wheel" makes him look intelligent.

But the drive back was nice and I went to Ikea on the way home. And that is a totally different story...