I'm still off work and I want to get better. I really do. I want to get back to work. Its not that I really love work because I don't and I don't hate work either, like some of the moaning bastard anonymous work bloggers. I have a more simple reason for wanting to get back to work. I have a punnet of plums and half a dozen nectarines in my top drawer. By now they will be going all mouldy.

My head is still a bit stuffy and I just don't feel right. I hate being ill. Not even a Night Nurse induced night of sleep helped (thanks Alanis!). If I am ill for one more day, I will go from having rugged manly stubble to being classified as a yeti.

I turn to the cure for everything, Television - but what am I having to watch?

• People willingly allowing a bald geezer to break into their house, ransack it and then getting upset when its turned upside down
  
• Andy Peters trying to make sick children feel better.
  
• Houses being auctioned and renovated
  
• People trying to make £100,000 from selling junk at a car boot sale
  
• Bargain fucking hunt
  
• Houses being renovated and auctioned
  
• Idiots with a fear of maggots trying to be cured
  
• Black and white films featuring people who have been dead for years
  

I can't believe I am actually looking forward to Neighbours for some intellectual stimulation. I feel worse now than I would've done if I'd gone to work.

Thanks a lot daytime TV.