I go to Blackpool.

For those of you unfamiliar with Blackpool, imagine Las Vegas! But colder. Like Las Vegas, there are spivs trying to part idiots from their money. In Las Vegas they run Casinos in which people can pit their wits, skill and money against "The House" in games of chance and skill but in Blackpool they are selling Glow Sticks, Flashing Twizler things and Whistles.

We go to the Pleasure Beach, which is neither a beach nor pleasurable. I do not like going on Fairground Rides. If I wanted to sit in a little metal box, get a racing pulse, be shunted from side to side and be scared to within an inch of my life - I would get in a car which my Brother in Law was driving. It is many many years since I went to Blackpool, but thankfully they have not changed anything. I take up my role as bag, coat and valuable-watcher and see my little sister be thrown into the air at 1,000 mph, then see her sent hurtling upside down and finally be soaked to the bone. And she's smiling.

The dodgems is about the scariest ride I will go on. In a deliberate ploy to upset people with no common sense (and women), the accelerator is placed on the left hand side. After 1 minute of the two minute ride, everyone had figured this out and we were driving round. BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! I spot a particularly attractive raven haired goddess and ram her persistently against the wall in a very rugged and manly way. I enjoyed that.

We walk along the sea front to get some food. The wind is currently blowing at about 42 on the Beaufort scale. It is whipping up the sand off the beach and throwing it across the Golden Mile. It takes ten minutes to travel 15m into the wind. We turn around and travel the 15m in 1.36 seconds.

And then back to the coach. The Illuminations are the most wonderful part of Blackpool. I enjoy looking at them. "Wow, look at that its an Squid." I say to anyone who is listening. "Wow and here's another Squid!". There were Angels, Devils, Aliens and The Hamburgular.

However, I missed the "Mouse Running Up the Clock" and the "Dancing Pigs". I had found something else to look at. It has pretty flashing lights too. I am fascinated with the Coach's Sat Nav and watch it intently for the next hour and a half as we return home on a straight Motorway.