I cover my right eye. I cover my left eye. My vision seems blurred. I couldn't possibly have put both my contact lenses in the wrong way round, could I? I should really take them out and pinch them and see.

I cannot do this at this moment in time, as I am currently standing in line for the ATM. Don't ask me how it's taken me the 10 minute walk to the tram, the journey into Manchester and the walk to the ATM to realise that I can't see properly. There are two ATMs and one queue. We have formed the "mono-queue", which is an built in reaction in every human being, kind of like a lion's ability to track down and kill a small and annoying child. At least I think we are queuing for two ATMs, there could be one and I could be seeing double.

The blurred vision could also come from the headache I've had for the past four days. It feels like someone's driven a metal spike into my head just above my left eye. Don't worry, he says as he prepares to tell the third most told lie by a man, if it carries on for much longer I really will go to the Doctors.

As I am queuing, it is raining - which is unusual for Manchester as it is normally about 22 degrees centigrade this time of year. As the weather deteriorates, the queue gradually bends towards the partial shelter provided by the building. The line is now, by default, closer to one ATM than the other. I reach the front and as I do, someone appears from nowhere and begins another queue by the second machine!!!

Being British I do not complain directly to her but I do turn to the person standing behind me and roll my eyes. In my head, I begin to write a strongly worded letter to the Sunday Express about the declining moral standards in Britain today and how it can all be put down to the fact that mandatory Millitay Service has been stopped and that the Media is now run by a mixture of lefties and gays.

Not that I have a problem with them, some of my best friends are black.

Ha! This person has been punished for her queue jumping!!! There are two people at her ATM and they're both getting mini-statements and cash. God moves in mysterious ways. But for some unknown reason, the queue jumper still managed to get her cash and walk away just as I was approaching the other machine.

I pull my Maestro card from my wallet and try and put it in the wrong slot.
I cover my left eye, I cover my right eye and finally get to enter my PIN.