"I've rung them but they didn't answer!!! I want my MP3 player!!!" says My Canadian Girlfriend. "I can't believe it. The delivery company had said on their website that they'd left two yellow calling cards but how could they? This is a secure building and they can't get into the lobby. I can't believe they lied on their site and said that they had left notes. At least they've not delivered it to someone else like the time they did that with those books. I am so angry about that. I'm going to keep ringing this lot until I get an answer. Will you be able to pick it up for me? I've loaded up the map for you on the Internet. I've got a Hybrid map on Google, a street map from Multimap, the company also has a map on their website and I've written out directions from United's ground - I figured you'd know how to get there. I'll get my passport out which you'll have to take so that they know you know me and you'll need some form of ID but you carry your driver's licence don't you? So will you be able to go? I'd come too but I want to stay here and wait for my boots. The post office is so much better at delivering stuff than these private companies and the Post Office website says they're out for delivery today. I can't believe I ended up ordering a pair, especially after we were in the shop when we went down to London. I showed them to Martin at work - you remember him, the one that talks like a tax inspector - it's his Girlfriend's Birthday coming up and he was stuck for present ideas and she was after some new boots so he's said she should treat herself to a pair. It's especially good for him because they're on sale and they're on such a tight budget since he's been putting her through Uni. He's so sweet doing that don't you think. The other day he sat up till 3am with her while she did an essay because she doesn't like staying up on her own. But of course there are plenty of boots that aren't on sale - I hope she doesn't pick one of the pairs that are £120. Apparently she gets really jealous of other women talking to him. His partner at the evening class he takes is a blonde and apparently she's quite pretty and they have to spend like two evenings a week together until the summer - hopefully these boots will reassure her. She sounds a bit nuts but not so fucking crazy she could be part of my family. Did I tell you that I got my mum in the shit the other day? You remember that my sister Suzanne has just had the baby? Well my sister Sarah went to see her and had a couple of photos taken of the children when she was holding them. And then she sent them to my sister-in-law, Leanne, who sent them to me on email. And then I mentioned to Suzanne that I had seen them and she went mental - at my Mom!!! Sarah had the photos taken, Leanne was the one who emailed them, I was the one that saw them and she went mad at my Mom!!! Apparently she's the only one that is allowed to distribute photos of her children. It's like she owns the image rights to her kids. But I should've known better, this was the same sister that went mad when I printed out a photo of her twins, framed it and hung it in my Dad's study. And speaking of crazy nuts, Andy walked into our office when I was placing the order for the boots. He only ever walks in to our office when I'm doing stuff I shouldn't. But he's not my boss so it doesn't really matter. I'd just sent that report out to the Director and seeing him reminded me that they'd changed the procedure for it and I was supposed to copy everyone from the Planning team into that email but I hadn't. So I sent out an apology and attached the report. I got five people emailing me back reminding me that I should've done it in the first place. It was like working in 'Office Space'. And Andy left without offering to make a brew. He never makes a brew. The last time he made a brew you had to put the kettle on the stove and wait for it to whistle. And what makes it worse is that he always comes in with his cup, so you know he's brewing up. And sometimes he has the tenacity to simply ask if someone will make him a brew because he can hear his phone ringing. I'm sure he just rings it from his mobile. He always teases me and Gabby about not making brews but I make plenty. I always brew up as soon as I get in - it's my fault that he's not there and doesn't get in until twenty past nine is it? And he switched my mouse over to left-handed the other day without telling me. He's such a child."

"Well I can see why you'd get upset about that." I say.

"You sound a bit grumpy - is everything ok?" she says.

"It's 6:15 AM on a Saturday and I'm trying to have a wee, which I don't think I'll be able to do until you give me a minute and I can close the door."