I am shopping in summer for shorts! Not a difficult thing you'd have thought. However, I require my shorts to be short. Not "Mexico 86" short but short. Above the knee. And relatively plain - I do not mind a few stripes or a small "Iowa State 92" logo type thing, I just don't want camouflage or "cool" wavy patterns all over my ass. And not athletic shorts, casual shorts.

I am also acutely aware that since this is the first pair of shorts I have bought in years - I have gone from a 36 to a 30 inch waist - then it will almost certainly guarantee that there won't be any more sun this summer.

I go to Republic, home of the 2 for £25 offer.

"Do you have these shorts in small?" I ask.

"No, everything we've got is out. It's been quite warm out recently if you haven't noticed and people are buying shorts." the cashier sneers at me.

I try Topman, River Island and Next with no luck. I even go to Primark, see the queues of bargain hungry Bridget Jones Wannabes holding Latte's in one hand and £2 t-shirts in the other and leave.

There is only one place left. Burtons!

(Imagine squigley lines indicating time travel)

I pick up a nice pair of shoes, a short sleeved t-shirt and a long sleeved one. I queue up waiting to pay and get my 20% discount by opening a Burtons Store Card. I will also get my choice of a "free" pair of shoes in the sale. This was shortly after I had been introduced to shoe shopping by My Canadian Girlfriend (who back then was simply my Canadian Work Colleague) so I was very excited. This would double my shoe collection, from one pair of trainers and one pair of work shoes, in one swoop.

I must admit, looking back I was naive. I actually believed that getting a store card was a good idea.

The items were rung up, I completed my form and waited for verification. I was denied! They didn't want to give me a store card! I was a hard working, law abiding, hard working, tax paying, law abiding citizen subject and they didn't want to give me a store card. I was distraught. I pay all my bills, I don't have any CCJs, I have no credit problems. But without the discount all this stuff was an extra £30.

I was incensed. This store was saying that I'm not good enough for them.

"So do you want the items anyway?" asked the cashier.

I turned and left in protest.

And I have never stepped foot in a Burton's store since.

(Imagine squigley lines indicating time travel)

Until now.

In am usually very good at holding grudges / boycotts. I haven't had a Yorkie bar or any of Nestle's products since I was a teenager. I am a walking advert for Adidas and Coke since the infidels took over my Football Club, which has even stopped me wanting an Audi TT - Chrysler Crossfire is the way to go now. And this boycott of Burtons has lasted four years.

But it has been hot and they have a pair of plain khaki shorts in the sale for £10.

I get to the counter with my shorts and a crisp £10 note in my hand.

"Would you like to save 10% by opening a store card?"

"No" I reply. I have listened and I have learned.