Call Gordon Ramsey! I need his skills and swearing ability to turn my Kitchen around. I have been suffering back luck and disasters all week.

So far I have:

• Forgotten to stop pouring the boiling water when I was making a cup of tea.
• Torn a tortilla wrap in half making it perfectly useless for its intended purpose.
• Filled the sink so full when I was washing up the over-flow was working double time.
• Forgot about the sheets I put in the washer, which is in the kitchen, and left them there for three days.
• Put Bran Flakes into my mug instead of my bowl when making breakfast.
• Accidentally used my Canadian Girlfriend's Toothbrush to clean the drain.

Although this seemed insignificant today after I followed a woman to the Tram stop, who was wearing cream trousers and showing some black VPL.

Now that is a nightmare.