One of my favourite movies is Cube. I found myself in the same situation today. No not trying to escape from a room whose walls will suddenly turn into a criss cross of chicken wire and dice me up smaller than the "Ultimate Slice and Grate" available only from Deal of the Day TV and at a knockdown price of £19.99.

No rather I was stuck in a place with someone I didn't know and had nowhere to go. I could tell he was going to be chatty because he started discussing the weather almost immediately.

It turned out he was a photographer and liked going on and on about photography which meant we had something in common because I like avoiding having to say anything strangers. He took bland / artistic shots of places and objects that he then sells as packages to people who need smiling lady pictures which show nothing but are a main stay of any corporate website.

"And I've been taking lots of photos to do with bestiality too." My ears prick up. "I mean there's been so much in the news recently about bestiality and you always hear people going on about a bestiality problem with children. I posted them on my website as I thought they would come in handy."

I don't exactly sit with my head in the sand. I read the papers (or at least their website - I mean why pay 60p for the Grauniad when I can get their news for nothing) and I watch the news but I don't remember hearing anything about a huge spate of animal shagging. As far as I can tell the five stories I have read this week are about average for England. I have deliberately excluded Wales from this average.

"No wait.... I don't mean bestiality do I? I mean Obesity."

Which is an easy mistake to make.