"Is this the right way to get to Doncaster?"

Someone has pulled up alongside me to ask for directions. I am always worried when this happens. Firstly, I don't think this is an attempted drive by shooting. Secondly, I'm always worried about being kidnapped. As I lean towards the window, I always worry that someone will come up from behind me and bundle me into the car.

Once bundled into the car, I would be hooded and gagged and then taken back to their mothership / caravan where they would perform all sorts of illegal and un-natural experiments on me with a Kenwood Chef and a soldering Iron.

I also worry that I'll give people the wrong directions. I once gave someone directions to somewhere I didn't know. Then I spent the rest of the evening worrying if he was still driving round looking for Matalan. I even went for a little drive myself to see if I could see him.

"No," I replied. "You're in the middle of Manchester."