"Pinochet!" I say trying hard to recall a famous non footballing Argentinean.

"He's from Chile," my Canadian Girlfriend replies. "You could've had Eva Peron."

"But she was played by Madonna. And Madge is American." Thankfully for her, we reach the Argentinean Restaurant before I get another opportunity to show how much more intelligent I am.

We are greeted at the door by a perfectly manicured, tall, skinny blonde in a short black dress, she smiles at us revealing a full array of whiter than white teeth. I would very much like to know which part of Manchester she is from because, judging by her tanned legs, it is a lot hotter there than where I live. I conclude that she must've got the job because of her superior waitressing skills.

She takes our coats and puts them inside a small cage like feature-ette, which would be ideal for holding midget wrestling matches in.

At our table, my Canadian Girlfriend orders some posh Argentinean pastry delicacies, which look just like Gregg's Pasties. For the main course I have a Big Rare Steak with Very Thick Chips and she has a Small Burnt to a Crisp Steak with Intelligent Chips.

For pudding she has pancakes and I have Churros. They are like some sort of straight donut type thing and are quite tasty. I have always wanted to try them ever since a Churros vendor was killed in one episode of "The Shield" and since then I've always wondered what they are like.

And then the bill comes in a little red envelope. I should have realised that anything to do with money in a red envelope is never going to be good. However, being a new man, I whip out my Maestro card and slip it inside the bill. The colour drains from my face as I catch sight of just how much I am about to spend. I pretend I haven't seen it. It has to have been a mistake. I go to enter my PIN and notice that the amount of money is the same on the PIN machine. My hand is shaking on machine, causing me to enter the wrong PIN first time. We collect our coats after "Biggie Shorts" pins "The Beast from the East" after hitting The Equaliser from the top of the Cage.

As we walk home, I remark to my Canadian Girlfriend that I am feeling very calm for someone who has just spent more than an entire days wage on dinner. She thinks I am joking. I really wouldn't mind but I am still hungry.

The rest of the night passes off without incident however, one of these days this week I fully expect to sit straight up in bed when it suddenly dawns on me. "£75!!!!! We could've gone to the Pizza Hut "All you can eat" buffet for a month!"