My Canadian Girlfriend is away and I am on the verge of doing something I shouldn't.

"I completely understood the reasons why you wanted to wait until after Christmas…… I was a bit unsure myself back then but these feelings I have just won't go away. Every week for the past couple of months I've looked forward to 'accidentally' seeing you on a weekend…."

"I don't think now is the time to beat around the bush. I've been in love with you ever since I first saw you. I don't mind admitting that some Saturday mornings, when I woke up before My Canadian Girlfriend, I'd sit at the PC and just stare at your picture…. I'm not one to use hyperbole but it was the closest thing I've ever experiences to love at first sight.... And everything's just fallen into place perfectly to make this the right time to act on those feelings - what with My Canadian Girlfriend being away."

"Ok… I totally respect your point of view. If you don't think it's time then it's not time. But believe me, I'm not taking no for an answer. You know we'd be perfect together. I will wait for you. I've been waiting for 6 months now. I am in no hurry. I just can't wait for the time when it's OK to take you home, go on holiday with you, show you off to my parents and just have you as part of my life."

"I'm not going to rush this but just so long as you know that when you're ready and the time is right, I'll be waiting for you."

I walk out of the changing rooms, put the Superdry Leather Jacket back on the rack and walk away before anyone calls the authorities about a middle aged man talking to a leather jacket in the changing rooms at the Arndale Centre.

That is not the only thing that was strange thing going on today. Hotel Chocolat were having a sale. Well it wasn't so much a sale as the price of their chocolate had gone down by a pound. So I stocked up. When My Canadian Girlfriend gets back she'll be surprised by a fridge full of chocolate. Well she won't be very surprised because
a) I've had to send this blog to her for proof-reading to make sure that me making a joke about pretending that I'm having an affair is funny rather than upsetting
b) There isn't much of it left.

And then I head up the escalator towards the Fruit Man and the Fish Man. As I reach the top of the escalator, I notice a commotion. I look over to where the crowd is gathered. There is a brunette stood there with sunglasses on, despite it not being sunny, and a cap on, despite it not being windy. Her cap is pulled down in that "I'm famous and trying not to be recognised. Ah well, go on - I'll sign your autographs".

Not being fully conversant in celeb-spotting, I take note and remember to ask someone who watches Coronation Street. As two hoodied young men fly past her with fist-a-flying, I realise that the crowd probably isn't queuing for an autograph. All this is missing is a chant of "Fight! Fight!" and we'd be back in the playground. Just before I can start that, the "Head Teacher" appears in the form of a Security Guard. He drags his 'not-quite-fit-enough-to-get-into-the police' body after them.

I head towards the Fruit Man. The Fish Man decided that answering a mobile phone call was more important than having my money. I will buy the fish from Tesco and put up with my liberal guilt about putting small traders out of business.

I then head home. That evening I went to see "The Bucket List" at the cinema. Imagine the premise for some of the best comedy movies of all times:
· Foul mouthed kids tackle censorship
· Bungling cop tries to save the Queen from Ozzie Smith
· Man gets mistaken for the Messiah
· Aircraft has to be landed by a drunk ex-army pilot
So my question is - at what point did "Hollywood" decide that a movie about two likeable old men dying of cancer would be the basis for a comedy?