I look down on my Kingdom from my Canadian Girlfriend's flat.

MB The First King of Manchester……. It has a certain ring about it. Apart from the fact that if we leave the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, it will be to form the People's Republic of Manchester. And I'm not sure if the People's Republic has a King. I will settle for Overlord or Grand Wizard or Lord Protector.

The lay of the land looks good. The weather is fine and sunny. The buildings that were there the night before are still there. The scaffolding is no higher. The cranes are pointing in a slightly different direction but they are still present. And there's a traffic warden stood by my car.

It's is one whole minute after 8am and I am getting a parking ticket. This is just not cricket! I open the window and watch. The guy in the car behind me runs from the flats and jumps in his car.

"I'm not too late am I?" he says.

"No, you've got a couple of minutes. I'm just booking this one" the traffic warden says.

I stand there incredulous, that not only am I getting a parking ticket but also that I can use the word incredulous in the correct context. "I'm getting a parking ticket!!" I scream towards my Canadian Girlfriend, probably loud enough to be heard downstairs.

"Well rush down there and get your car straight away. I'll flash him these and distract him long enough so you can drive off."

"Yes… they're… nice… and… perky… and… nubile… and… I think it's a woman so the Girls won't have any effect. But it could be a bloke. No, wait I think it's a very butch woman, so they could work. But nothing distracts a Traffic Warden. They're like some form of heartless machine."

Resigned to my £30 fate, I head down the stairs and out to the car. There is no ticket! I run over to the car and open the boot.

"I'm not too late am I?" I say with the laces of my shoes still undone and my tie hanging out of my pocket.

"Well you are but I got halfway through typing the ticket in and then I got this text message so I stopped to read it. I'll let you off this time."

Fancy that, of all the traffic wardens in all the world - I get the one with a friend.