I often wonder about how long after a national tragedy you have to wait before you can start telling jokes about it. Being a naturally funny and charming man, my wit is well known. I spend most days partaking in Wilde-like satire with cutting Paul-Merton-style jibes.

So as soon as I'd heard that someone had alerted authorities when they'd spotted a 19st mass of wobbling blubber and lard by the Houses of Parliament - I started to think of jokes. Of course, once the authorities turned up and recognised Gordon Brown, they turned round and spotted a whale in the Thames.

Now I know Michelle McManus' career had taken a nose dive but I didn't think she'd get to the point where she'd throw herself off Tower Bridge.

Argh! Now I've started I don't think I'll be able to stop. So, I'll leave you with this little tit bit. Not only did the Pizza Hut in Manchester make the wrong pizza last Friday, for me and My Canadian Friend, they had run out of Deep Pan Pizza bases. Which is exactly what you'd expect from a busy branch of a National Pizza Chain on a Friday night.