Dear Mr Tesco,

Firstly, I would like to congratulate you on a wonderful series of stores throughout the UK. I am a regular parton of yours and have been ever since I started working in a building that overlooked one of your stores. Although I think it's only right that I point out that I actually do most of my shopping at Sainsburys. This is mainly because I like Nectar points because I can use them on tat from Argos. My Girlfriend will be the first to tell you that I am far from perfect.

I am mainly writing to you to thank you for the wonderful new thing you have introduced at my local store. You see I am one of those people who likes being told what I have to do. I hate having to make choices. If you ask me if I want salmon or chicken for tea - I normally answer either. I am very indecisive.

I like it when supermarkets put the milk at the back of the store so I am reminded of all the other things I didn't know I needed - this is very helpful and the reason I often come out of them with 4 pints of skimmed milk, shaving foam, four bagels and a microwave. I am also thankful for the way celebrities tell me what to think and what to eat and how the doctor tells me which way to turn and cough.

I like it when I'm told what to do and what to think.

But I digress. I was really writing to thank you for painting the two big white feet by the cash machine of my local Tesco. They are very helpful as they instruct me exactly how far back I should stand from the cash machine when someone else is using it and also show me which direction I should be facing. The person that invented them is a genius and should be employee of the month. I think they should be given a raise and some more stock options!

It is these sorts of innovations that keep you at the top of the Supermarket ladder!!!!!

However, I have one question. Why are the feet so big? I am a size 10 (or an 11 if I'm shopping at River Island). But these feet are massive. Some of the women I know who have tiny little feet which they slip into tiny little stilletos will feel dwarfed by these big white feet and it may put them off using the cash machine or shopping at Tesco completely. This is something neither of us want - is it?

I am extremely worried about this and would welcome your feedback.

Yours,
MB

P.S. I noticed in this picture that my shoes need shining and I'll be doing this just as soon as I remember to buy some shoe polish - which I'll get from Tesco of course. Or maybe Sainsbury's. I haven't decided yet.

P.P.S. In case you are wondering - everything is in proportion with the size 10 shoes ;)